Insights on Hoarding
March 15, 2010
Last night I made my television debut on the premiere episode of TLC’s Hoarding Buried Alive. It was pretty exciting to see the progress that Laurie (the client) and I had made in such a short time! I’ve received lots of notes from you guys and one in particular got me thinking about the lesson in this show for those of you who are not struggling with a severe hoarding problem.
First, it’s important to point out that lots of us struggle with acquiring and hoarding issues to varying degrees. I’ll be the first to admit that I love fine paper. If I didn’t monitor myself when it comes to buying note cards, I’d have a room full of them by now.
A former client, Lori, sent a note reminding me that when we worked together she struggled with Christmas cards. She kept every Christmas card she received regardless whether there was a personal note included or not. We worked through the cards and she was able to let some go, but she never really understood why she wanted to keep the cards in the first place.
Pam, a hoarding client, had some more difficult issues. She was a diagnosed hoarder and experienced some seemingly irrational attachment to several categories of paper. She wanted to keep anything that had to do with children, church, her birthday and a few others. In this case, we came up with a system to organize the paper into boxes.
These three examples illustrate very different issues, but all boil down to something in the person’s mind compelling them to keep Christmas cards or telling them they can never have too many note cards. I say this a lot, but it’s just so true. Getting organized and clearing clutter is very rarely about the stuff. It’s most often about what’s going on between your ears. Mindset and sometimes psychological issues that are not so easy to change come into play almost every time.
So, what are the lessons from the show?
1) Evaluate how your clutter problems might be affecting others. We saw relationships being tested by the hoarding issues faced by the folks featured on the show last night. What is your situation?
2) If you’re having trouble going through things and letting them go, listen to what you’re telling yourself about the item. On the show, Laurie said that if the therapist threw away a doll she had given him, she would feel that he didn’t like her very much. It had nothing to do with the doll itself.
3) Get help if you need it. Seek out help from someone with no attachment to the situation. Often folks look to family members, but that’s not usually the best idea. Family members and friends can be really judgmental and can sometimes make the situation worse. Not trying to be mean here, just being honest.
Those of you not struggling with these issues so much are probably feeling much better about your own situation. That’s ok. You need to feel good about yourself! Not at the expense of others of course, but very often people calling me for help are embarrassed and ashamed because they think their situation is the worst I will ever see. More than likely, it’s not.
I hope you guys were able to watch the show. I had a lot of fun working with Laurie and I am so proud of her for all the hard work she did and is still doing to change her life.
So, what do you think?
Leave your comments or questions below. I’d love to hear what you think!
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